


Love Dares the Devil

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: The Devil Loves to Knit [12]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chloe is dense, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Lucifer is a dork, Weaponizer and Findus, Weaponizer is a troublemaker, crack fic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Lucifer comes to the realization that he has to tell Chloe the truth about himself. Meanwhile, the Devil's animal household increases by one.Sequel to “The Devil asks for Help.”





	Love Dares the Devil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonatoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/gifts), [Mia_Vaan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Vaan/gifts), [shadowolfhunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowolfhunter/gifts).



> A super-huge thank you to moonatoms and Mia_Vaan for all the various plot bunnies, pieces of dialogue, ideas, story title, enthusiasm, and encouragement! You are both super-awesome!
> 
> Thank you to shadowolfhunter who wanted to see Mum get a bit of payback. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> And thank you so very much to everyone who’s been so enthusiastic about this fluffy series -- you are all awesome!
> 
> Sanoiro, I saw your Tumblr comment about wanting the penguin back, but I still haven’t figured out how to respond to comments yet. Sorry for not replying but here is your penguin!
> 
> Wanted to get this out, so it’s a little rough around the edges and has not been beta-ed -- sorry about that! I apologize for all mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Trixie Decker, Amenadiel and Charlotte Richards are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice. Findus, Weaponizer and Moana are my creations (although their names are not). :-)

 

 

Lucifer Morningstar wanted to be better.

A better partner, a better romantic date, a better... well, everything.  After all, he had finally gone out with Chloe!  Even though it had started out as a disaster, it ended well when she had taken them out for ice cream.  Her words telling him that they were a good match when together -- like spumoni -- had touched his heart.  She was just so special....  When he was around her, his heart sang and joy filled him to overflowing.  He wanted to be perfect for her, to be worthy of her.  He wanted to be... to be....

He wanted to be the man she believed him to be.

Right.  And _that_ started with making sure he was never awkward again -- which meant he needed more of those wonderful romance manuals!  The last book hadn’t worked out so well, but he was sure it was because he hadn’t followed it to the letter.  Maybe some of the other romance manuals had a situation similar to his, and he could study them...?  Having been alone for so very long, he craved a happy ending with Chloe.  The thought of being with her forever -- and having wondrous sex the whole time -- made his insides vibrate with euphoria.  Oh, if he could make it happen, his life would be perfect!  He could finally be happy.  It wasn’t wrong for the Devil to want happiness, was it?

When he went to the local bookstore and caught sight of the romance shelves, excitement exploded within him like fireworks.  There were so many novels to choose from!  Being short on time, he simply bought them all.  What better way to improve himself than to read every single fine romance manual he could get his hands on?  The more he studied, the better....

Figuring on killing two birds with one stone, he brought his stash to the Malibu house, so that he could look after the animals while he read.  Chloe was taking a half-day off in order to go to some parent-teacher conference, which gave him time to study.  Piling up the books beside him -- they made quite an impressive stack -- he sat down on the couch and picked up the first one.  As he did so, Findus dashed over to him and hopped onto the cushions.  Lucifer tried to scoot away from her, but she followed, until he was jammed up against the armrest and had nowhere else to go.  Letting out a soft meow, she hopped onto his lap and cuddled close.

The fallen angel let out a heavy sigh.  “Well, where have you been?  I’m surprised you didn’t accost me as soon as I walked in the door.”

Apprehension shot through Lucifer as he glanced around for her boyfriend.  Not seeing the penguin anywhere, he wondered what the devious bird was up to.  It was always a bad sign when the troublemaker disappeared -- it meant he was into some sort of mischief.  As if on cue, Weaponizer let out a loud squawk from one of the rooms down the hall.

“Bloody hell,” the Devil muttered as he tossed his book down on the cushions.  “I knew it.”

Setting the kitten on the floor, he rose to his feet and strode to Trixie’s bedroom.  In the center of the room stood the penguin, tangled in a mass of green yarn that used to be the trousers that the little girl liked to put on Findus.  Gaping at the bird, Lucifer cried, “What on earth are you doing?”

Findus, having followed Lucifer, peeked around his legs, then approached her boyfriend gingerly.  Chirping quietly, the penguin pecked and yanked at the green yarn.

“You ninny -- were you trying on your girlfriend’s trousers?”  Lucifer shook his head at the absurdity of the situation.  “Those are _her_ trousers!  They aren’t made for you -- your legs are too bloody short!”

Letting out a loud honk, Weaponizer jumped up and down, entangling himself even further.  His sudden movement startled Findus, who dashed away.  Seeing his girlfriend leave, the penguin squawked with distress and yanked at the garment.  A ripping noise filled the air as the trousers rent in two.  Suddenly free, the bird sprang out of the green yarn and opened his beak in a gleeful smile.

Lucifer rolled his eyes.  “And of course you’re happy about it.”

The fallen angel watched with dismay as Weaponizer picked up what was left of the trousers in his beak and waddled off to the great room in search of his girlfriend.  “Right.  I don’t think she’s going to be very pleased about this,” he told the penguin, who ignored him.

Sure enough, when the bird triumphantly presented the green ruins to Findus as if it was some sort of monster he had defeated, she looked at it, then at him, before turning her back on him.  He gaped at her, then at Lucifer, who shrugged.

“I told you she wouldn’t be happy.”

Waddling around until he stood in front of the kitten, Weaponizer bowed low and gave an apologetic chirp, but she turned her back on him again.  With distressed eyes, he squawked at Lucifer.

“Well, you can’t expect _me_ to fix your mistakes --”

Racing up to the fallen angel, the bird started honking furiously as he jumped up and down like a child having a tantrum.

Appalled at the bird’s behavior, Lucifer set his hands on his hips and glared at him.  “Bloody hell, will you calm down?!  I’m not your slave!  I refuse to --”

His words were interrupted by Weaponizer’s angry squawk as the bird started beating his leg with his flippers.

“Stop that, you little monster!”  When the penguin continued to abuse him, Lucifer flung up his hands in defeat.  “Fine, fine, I’ll knit you another one.  Goodness’ sakes!”

Rolling his eyes, he strode to his knitting basket and pulled out a ball of pretty green yarn and a pair of needles.  Making himself comfortable on the couch, the Devil grumbled about the selfishness of penguins as he quickly cast the yarn onto his needles.  As he knitted furiously, a pair of trousers quickly took shape in his hands.  Finishing it off with suspenders, he held it up to the penguin for approval.

“There!  What do you think?”

Weaponizer nudged Findus’s side until the cat turned to see the trousers.  Her eyes lit up and she dashed over to Lucifer, climbing onto his lap and cuddling close.  The penguin stared at the pair of them, shock in his eyes, before he started jumping up and down again, demanding to be lifted onto the couch.

“Oh, come on, it’s not my fault she likes me better!”

The penguin started pecking his leg furiously.

“Bloody --  Just stop that, will you?”  Reaching down, Lucifer lifted the penguin onto the cushions.  The ungrateful bird promptly stepped all over the Devil as he scrambled to reach his girlfriend.  Giving a groan of disgust, the fallen angel flung up his hands as Weaponizer sidled next to the kitten.  Findus gave her boyfriend a considering look before she licked him on the beak.  Grinning like an idiot, Weaponizer happily cuddled his little girlfriend.

Shaking his head with irritation, Lucifer waved a finger at the penguin.  “Look, if you weren’t such a prat, you wouldn’t have these problems.”  Reaching over, he plucked his book off the cushions and showed it to the bird.  “ _You_ could really use some advice.  You should take a look at these romance manuals.”

Weaponizer turned away and closed his eyes.

Affronted, Lucifer straightened and yanked his book back.  “Well, fine, be that way -- ungrateful wretch.”

Making himself comfortable on the couch -- well, as comfortable as he could with a kitten and penguin on his lap -- the fallen angel settled down and started to read.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

It only took a day for Lucifer to finish reading all of his books.  They were fascinating, and he needed more!  Just as the idea crossed his mind to buy every single romance novel on Amazon, he heard the front door open.  Who could that be?  He wasn’t expecting anyone....  His eyes lit up as Mum and Amenadiel walked into the great room.  Well, this was a surprise!  Rising to his feet, he greeted them with a smile.

“Mum!  Brother!  So nice to see you.  What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been to the penthouse in a while,” Amenadiel said as Findus and Weaponizer dashed over to greet him.  Squatting down, he smiled as he petted the animals.  “Hey there, you two.  Nice to see you again.”

“Ugh, disgusting creatures,” Charlotte muttered with a curled lip before turning to her fallen son.  “Why have you been hiding out here?  You know we have things to discuss.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes.  He could just guess what his mother wanted to talk about.  “Right.  Like I told you before, Mum, I’m not leaving Earth.”

The blonde goddess scoffed.   _“Please._  What could there possibly be on this dunghill that would make you want to stay here?”

Fury started to build in Lucifer at her words.  Why didn’t his mother ever listen to him?  “I’ll have you know, I’m very happy here.  I have a job -- two, in fact.”  He thrust his chest out proudly.  “When I’m not running LUX, I’m catching criminals with the LAPD --”

An ugly expression crossed Charlotte’s countenance as she folded her arms.  “Running around catching criminals is _not_ your job!  Why do you insist on doing it?”

Lucifer sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  He would have thought Mum would have known the answer to that one.  “Because I’m a punisher, Mum.  I help the detective put bad guys in jail.”

Her face screwed up with puzzlement.  “What is your fascination with this... detective of yours?  I don’t get it.”

Glancing up at the pair, Amenadiel stopped petting the animals and straightened.  “Look, Mom, it’s simple.  Luci’s got this thing for Chloe --”

Horror shot through Lucifer at his words.  The _last_ thing he had wanted was his mother to know he was harboring feelings for the detective!  As heat rushed into his face, he shot an angry glance at his brother.  “It’s not a _thing --”_

Furious squawking suddenly echoed through the great room, interrupting the fallen angel.  Whirling at the sound, he was shocked to see Weaponizer lunging at his mother.  The blonde goddess screamed as the little penguin went on the offensive, pecking and chasing after her angrily.

For a moment he stood frozen, unable to believe his eyes, before he yelled, “Weaponizer!  Bloody hell, what are you doing?!”

The bird ignored him and continued to drive Charlotte to the pool until she fell in with a scream.  Lifting his beak to the ceiling, Weaponizer let out a triumphant call before glancing at the two brothers with a grin on his face.

Well, this was a surprising turn of events!  Even as he and his brother rushed over to the side of the pool to help Charlotte, a part of Lucifer’s brain smirked at the thought that the penguin had the balls to do what _he_ wanted to do to his mother at times, but couldn’t.  Maybe he should keep Weaponizer around as his anti-Mum weapon for whenever she became too demanding.

“Mum, are you all right?” he asked as he reached out to give her a hand.

A vein pulsed at Charlotte’s temple as she pulled herself out of the pool.  “I am going to kill that bird!  Wring his scrawny neck and then stomp all over him!  Look at this -- my dress and shoes are ruined!”

Before anyone could move, Weaponizer went on the warpath again, pecking the goddess’s legs until she tripped and fell.  The penguin immediately hopped onto her backside and started jumping up and down, like he was performing a victory dance.  Quickly turning away, Lucifer covered his mouth and tried very hard not to laugh.  He knew it was bad, but... it _was_ funny.  As Charlotte screamed with fury, the bird hopped off and waddled away to hide behind the fallen angel.

“How _dare_ he jump all over me!  I will tear his stupid little limbs off and _eat_ him --”

Amenadiel glared at his brother before rushing up to the furious woman.  “Mom, calm down.  He’s just a bird, okay?  I think he’s still mad about last time.  Now, why don’t you go calm down and clean yourself up...?”

Lucifer reached down and petted Weaponizer on the head while Amenadiel took the goddess back to the rooms.  “You’re a bold one, aren’t you?”

The penguin cooed in response.

Amenadiel’s voice had him straightening to his feet.  “Look, Luci, you really need to come back home with us.  Mom refuses to leave you behind.”

Not waiting for his brother to reach his side, the fallen angel strode to the kitchen, opened a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Scotch.  Grabbing a glass, he poured himself a hefty amount before downing it in one gulp.  “Well, she’s just going to have to get used to the idea that I’m staying here.”

As Lucifer set the glass down on the counter, his brother walked up to him, his expression dark.  “Selfish, as always -- only thinking of yourself.”  Reaching over, Amenadiel picked up one of the books that his fallen brother had left on the counter the night before, when he was making dinner.  After reading the cover, he raised an eyebrow at Lucifer.  “‘Love’s Tempest’?  Why in Father’s name are you reading a romance novel?”

Oh bloody hell, he hadn’t wanted Amenadiel to see what he was reading -- not after that comment about him having a thing for Chloe.  Flustered, Lucifer snatched the book away.  “It’s none of your business.”

His brother laughed.  “Oh no, I gotta hear this.  Tell me -- why is the _Devil_ reading a sappy romance novel?”

The fallen angel lifted his chin defiantly.  “If you must know, I started dating the detective, and I want everything to be perfect.  The book is a manual on romance.”

His brother’s mouth fell open.  “Wait....  You’re _dating_ _Chloe?_  I knew you had a thing for her, but....”  His voice petered out.

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed.  “Why are you so shocked?  What’s wrong with dating the detective?”

Amenadiel laughed derisively.  “You have to ask that question?”

The Devil’s brows drew together at his brother’s reaction.  Why was he laughing?  “I don’t understand --”

“Are you _serious?”_  The angel shook his head as his voice took on a serious tone.  “Look, I know you care for Chloe, but it would really be for the best if you leave her alone.”

Anger bubbled up within Lucifer, threatening his self control.  “Why should I?  I’m finally happy --”

Amenadiel looked at him like he was the village idiot.  “Because you’re the _Devil.”_

The fallen angel’s stomach dropped to the floor.  Yes, there was that, wasn’t there?  But Chloe always insisted he was a good man, so deep in his heart he hoped that perhaps she might be able to see beyond what he was.  And if he could be the man she thought he was, wouldn’t it be all right, in the end?

The angel gave him a hard look.  “Does she know?”

Lucifer’s insides roiled like a turbulent sea at his brother’s words.  Hoping to steady himself, he poured himself another drink and downed it quickly.  “Of course she doesn’t know.  You know she doesn’t believe me.  I finally gave up trying to convince her.”

The angel’s voice was sharp with contempt.  “You gave up.”  Anger colored Amenadiel’s voice as he lectured his brother.  “Luci, you owe it to Chloe to tell her the truth, before things get serious.  Can you imagine getting into a relationship with her and then dropping that bomb on her?  Are you so selfish that you can’t see how unfair that is to her?”  At Lucifer’s flinch, his face softened.  “Look, come back home with us and leave Chloe alone.  Let her live her life and be happy, okay?”

“Amenadiel, drive me home!” Charlotte ordered as she stormed into the great room, clad only in a towel.  “I refuse to stay here with those... those disgusting little monsters!  Lucifer, we will talk later.”  Without waiting for an answer, she tossed her head and walked out of the house.

“Look, I gotta go. Think about what I said, okay, Luci?”  With that, the angel walked out, leaving his fallen brother alone with his thoughts.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Amenadiel’s words weighed heavily on Lucifer’s mind.

Would Chloe be able to accept him as the Devil?  So far, she had refused to believe him when he told her who he was, even though she knew he didn’t lie.  Would their budding relationship be able to survive the revelation of who he was?  Were they strong enough to weather the storm that was brewing?

Doubt started to wind itself around his insides, squeezing his stomach until it was a roiling mass.  Humans were so fragile -- he had seen so many of them go insane at the sight of his bloody, burned face.  And even though the detective was stronger than most, he feared the worst.  After all, look at how Doctor Linda had taken it initially -- she had been so afraid that she hid from him until Maze had talked to her.  What if Chloe cringed away in fear from him?  Lucifer bit his lower lip as his chest tightened.  If that happened, he wouldn’t be able to survive.  He’d rather go back to Hell.

“Hey, Lucifer, are you okay?” Chloe asked.

The fallen angel cast a glance at his partner as she drove them through the streets of Los Angeles.  Shortly after Amenadiel and Mum had left the house, he’d gotten a call from the detective about a new case.  Instead of rushing over like he normally would have, anxiety had crippled him into hesitating.  In the end, though, he couldn’t stay away.  She was his heartbeat, his very breath.  To be away from her when she needed him was like cutting off his own arm.  He couldn’t do it.

And so he had gone to join her on the new case, but he had trouble concentrating.  Her words floated in and out of his head like a fog, for all he could think of was her reaction when she realized he really _was_ the Devil.

How _would_ she react?  With screaming?  Yes, certainly.  Punching?  Probably.  Shooting?  Most definitely.  Running him over with the car repeatedly until he was a flattened angel instead of a fallen one?  Absolutely.

All scenarios ended in death of one sort or another.  The urge to cry was overwhelming.

“You seem preoccupied,” she continued.

Ah, the detective was always so clever -- too clever, in this case.  For once, he wished her sharp instincts hadn’t picked up on his anxiety.  Struggling to put on a facade of calm, he focused on her words -- or tried to.  “Ah.  Yes.  Right.  I was... ah...  just... thinking.”

Chloe slid a glance his way.  “Those must be some pretty heavy thoughts you’re thinking.  You’re not usually so... subdued.”

“Yes, well....”  He broke off as he saw the address they were looking for.  A sigh of relief escaped him -- he really hadn’t wanted to answer her.  “Ah.  I believe we have arrived.”

Ignoring her look that clearly said she knew he was avoiding the subject, he stepped out of the car and headed for the little stucco house.  She quickly caught up with him and briefed him on the suspect.

“Okay, the guy we’re looking for is Robert Donegal.  Witnesses saw him flee the scene.  He apparently dabbles in the black market, although we’ve never been able to make anything stick.”

Normal -- he had to act normal.  Putting on his game face, Lucifer pushed his problem to the back of his mind, and grinned.  “Oh, black market goodies!  Lovely!  Maybe I can relieve him of some of his stock --”

His partner elbowed him in the ribs before walking past him.  “Behave.”

Ah, her fire was always so arousing!  Unable to stop the smile on his lips from forming, he trailed after Chloe as she walked up the steps of the porch and banged on the front door.  “Robert Donegal, LAPD.  We’d like to ask you a few questions.”

The sound of movement inside had the blonde detective banging harder on the door.  “Robert Donegal!”

When she prepared to kick the door down, Lucifer held up his hand and opened the door.  It had been locked, but his partner didn’t need to know that.  He followed her inside as she wielded her gun and called again.

“Robert Donegal!”

As Chloe started methodically searching the rooms for the suspect, Lucifer split away from her, studying the messy house.  Maybe Donegal had some black market drugs laying about...?  As he started to walk down the hall, a door slammed open and something -- or someone -- tackled him.  Before he could even put up a fight, the assailant had him in a headlock with cold steel pressed against his temple.   _Shite._  Bloody mortality!  If the detective would just leave, he could take care of this wanker....

His partner came rushing around the corner, with her gun raised.

“I ain’t goin’ to jail,” the man said, his voice high and strained.

“Put down the gun, Donegal,” Chloe ordered.

“No way.  You’re gonna let me and Cabbage Patch Kid out of here, or this guy here gets a hole in the head.”

Her eyes narrowed.  “Cabbage Patch Kid?  Who is that, your partner?”

The suspect ignored her question.  “Just put the gun down or this guy gets it.”

Panic shot through the fallen angel.  If Chloe dropped her weapon, this deranged sod would shoot her -- no question about it.  He couldn’t let that happen.  His life was inconsequential, compared to hers.  “Don’t do it, Detective.  It’s not worth it.”

“Shut up!” Donegal snarled.  The muzzle of the gun pressed harder against the fallen angel’s head, sending sparks of pain radiating from the point of contact.  The tosser was giving him a headache, and if there was one thing that annoyed Lucifer, it was a headache.

“No, listen -- this isn’t what you really desire, is it?”  The fallen angel tried to turn his head, but he was trapped tight in the headlock.  If only he could look the fellow in the eye -- it was so much easier to draw out desires that way.  “The detective is not going to drop her weapon --”

Chloe’s mouth fell open.  “Lucifer!”

He stared at her steadily, willing her to listen to him.  “She’s not, so you’ll have to shoot me.  And if you do that, you’ll end up in jail.  That’s not what you really want, now is it?”

“You’re gonna send me to jail for killing Jodi anyway, even though it was an accident --”

“Look, let’s talk about this,” the blonde detective said, holding up a hand in supplication.  “You can explain to me what happened with Jodi.  We can work something out.  But if you kill my partner, that’s cold-blooded murder and there’s no way you can get out of that.  So why don’t you put down the gun?”

“Why don’t you put down _your_ gun?”

“You bloody idiot, she’s a cop -- finest in the department!  Do you really think she’s stupid enough to put down her gun?” Lucifer snapped.  The fear that she would leave herself vulnerable for his sake grabbed him by the throat and squeezed.  He couldn’t let that happen -- he’d rather get shot himself than let anything happen to her.  Hell would be far more preferable than a world without Chloe in it.

“Lucifer!” she hissed, her aqua eyes huge in her pale face.  “You’re not helping!”

He ignored her.  “So you might as well give yourself up now, unless you want to die.  The detective won’t hesitate shooting me to get you --”

“Shut up!”  Donegal shook Lucifer before tightening the stranglehold around his neck.  “Tell her to drop her gun!”

“I won’t, so you might as well kill me.”

Lowering her voice to a very calm cadence, Chloe spoke to the crazed man.  “Donegal, listen to me.  If you’re innocent like you claim, you don’t have anything to fear.  You say killing Jodi was an accident...?”

“It was.”  The arm around the fallen angel’s neck loosened a fraction.  “She was seein’ another guy.  Said it was my fault ‘cause I spend all my time with Cabbage Patch Kid.”  The suspect’s voice grew wobbly, as if he was crying.  “But I can’t help that -- Cabbage Patch Kid needs me!”

“So what happened?” the detective asked.

“She said she was gonna leave me.  I couldn’t let her go -- I loved her!”

“So you killed her instead?” Lucifer managed to say.   _“Lovely_ way to show your affection for the love of your life.”

“Lucifer, _shut up.”_

“It was an accident!” the man howled.  “I never meant to kill her.  I was just wavin’ the gun around, tryin’ to make her stay when it went off!  I didn’t mean --”

The arm around the fallen angel’s neck finally fell away, as did the muzzle of the gun.  Coughing, Lucifer stumbled forward, then glanced at his assailant -- a big man with the shock of bright purple hair, now on the floor, weeping.  Chloe lowered her gun and pulled out her handcuffs.

“So where is this bloody Cabbage Patch Kid?” spat the fallen angel as his partner cuffed the suspect.

The man waved down the hall.  “Bathroom.”

“Right.”  With a glint in his eye, the Devil started striding down the hall.  He heard Chloe call after him, but he didn’t slow down.  Catching up with him just as he was about to open the bathroom door, she grabbed his arm.

“Lucifer, let me --”

He whirled on her.  “And have you get shot in the process?  Absolutely not.  You mean far too much to m-- “  Goodness, he had almost let it slip how important she was to him --  and it was too soon for that!  Thinking quickly, he said, ”--mmmmost everyone in the department.  Ah, I mean, who would do all the bloody paperwork?”

“You are so unbelievable at times.”  Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  “So you’re just going to go first and get yourself shot instead?”

“Well, that’s the idea.  Not the shooting part, but --”  Sighing, he held up a hand to her.  “Look, it will be fine.  You just stay here.”

Her face took on a stubborn cast.  “We’re partners.  We do things together.”

“But Detective --”

“No.”   Raising her firearm, she grabbed a hold of the doorknob.   I’ve got the gun, remember?  On three.  One... two... three!”

They spilled into the bathroom, only to see... nothing.

Well, not quite nothing.  Something was cheeping like a baby bird in the bathtub.

Pulling back the shower curtain, Lucifer was surprised to see a tiny, round, furry ball sitting in the dry tub filled with blankets.  It looked at him and cheeped.  Squinting at it, he studied the creature before Chloe holstered her gun and pushed him out of the way.

“Oh my god!” she squealed, which had the fallen angel blinking in surprise.  The detective _never_ squealed....

“Believe me, Detective, that is _not_ Dad.  Dad is not a furry ball of...”  He waved a hand at it.  “Fur.”

As she reached down for the monster, Lucifer put out a protective arm, staying her movements.  “Stay back, Detective -- it might be vicious!”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”  Shoving his arm out of the way, she picked up the fearsome beast, who uncurled like a short, very fat, very furry snake-like thing, with short, stubby legs.  It looked absolutely grotesque to Lucifer.  Cuddling the monster, Chloe started speaking in a strange, high-pitched voice that had the fallen angel looking at her in shock.  He had never heard her speak in tongues before.

“Oooh how’s the cuddly wuddly oogly boogly widdle baby?” she cooed.

Obviously the horrifying creature had possessed Chloe, taking over her soul and reducing her to a blubbering mass of Dad-only-knew.  Panic filled him.  What was happening to the detective?  He had to save her!  But before he could snatch the evil creature from her arms and throw it out the window, she left the bathroom -- and him -- behind.  Following warily, Lucifer watched his partner with fear, waiting for her to sprout another head.

“So this is Cabbage Patch Kid?” Chloe asked Donegal as she walked back to the living room where the handcuffed man sat.

“Cabby!”  The man’s face lit up with a big smile.  “Come here, come to Daddy!”

Lucifer watched in horror as the detective lowered the furry thing to the floor, where it promptly tripped over its own feet to stumble up to the man’s leg and chirp.

Chloe frowned at Donegal.  “How did you get this sea otter?  They’re endangered.”

Shamefaced, he turned away.  “I was... I was gonna sell her to the highest bidder.  You know, for her fur.  But then....”  He gazed lovingly at the sea otter.  “She’s so sweet, I knew I couldn’t do that, so I kept her.”  He looked at the both of them, his tear-filled eyes begging them.  “Please... I know I’m goin’ to jail and I ain’t got no right to ask, but can you take care of Cabby?  She’s never been in the wild -- she’ll die out there.  She’s just a baby --  three months old, potty trained, and weaned already.  Don’t send her to a zoo, okay?  She’s been with me all her life.  She’ll die of loneliness.”

“Wait... so let me get this straight.  You killed your girlfriend over a _sea otter?”_ asked Lucifer, stunned at the revelation.  What kind of powerful, devious, evil creature had they stumbled upon?!

Donegal nodded.  “Cabby’s a sweetie, ain’t you, little snookie wookums, so snuggly wuggly....”

Horror shot through the fallen angel as the big man started speaking in tongues in that weird, high-pitched voice that Chloe had used.  Clearly the animal’s powers of mind-control were far greater than he had first thought....  Shaking his head to clear it, Lucifer asked the first thing that came to his mind.

“So... you named a sea otter Cabbage Patch Kid?  Goodness, what kind of name is that?!”

The suspect looked away from the fuzzy baby otter.  “Huh?  Oh, Jodi said she looked like a Cabbage Patch baby when I first got her, so....”  His eyes were hopeful as he stared at Lucifer.  “So... you’ll take her?”

Glancing at his partner, Lucifer saw Chloe gazing at him with those big aqua eyes of hers, imploring him.  A sinking feeling hit the pit of his stomach as he realized what she was going to ask.  Shaking his head, he waved his arms frantically.

“No.  No.  No no nononono --”

“Lucifer, look at her, she’s so cute!”  Chloe took a hold of his forearm.  Heat shot through his insides at her touch, sparking his passion for her and igniting it into a wildfire.  His mouth went dry as he stared down at her lovely face, her pink cheeks, and those red lips, so kissable --

No.  Wait, what was happening?  Was he falling under the mind control of the sea otter, as well?  Desperately, he shook his head again.  “Detective, no.  We can’t.  The house is not a bloody zoo --”

“But Lucifer, we can’t send her to an aquarium.  Look at her -- she’s so cute!  And so tiny and defenseless....  And you know Weaponizer and Findus would make great parents.”

As he stared down at the blonde detective, the fallen angel knew he had to resist.  The sea otter was a creature of immense power, able to control humans at its own will!  He had to refuse in order to protect Chloe.  Opening his mouth to protest, he was appalled when he said, “Fine.”  Grumbling, he turned away.  “Next thing you’ll be wanting is a bloody elephant.”

Despite the situation, her chuckle filled him with warmth -- as it always did -- and he found his mouth quirking up into a reluctant smile.

A look of relief swept over Donegal’s features.  “Aw, hey man, thanks.  You don’t know what this means to me....”  The man started bawling like a baby.  Shocked and horrified at how the otter had reduced a grown man to tears, Lucifer ran out of the house like it was on fire.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“Oh, come on, Detective -- I think Sin Eater is a fine name!” Lucifer called out to Chloe as he parked behind her and got out of the Corvette in front of the Malibu home.  They had argued about what to call the little monster the entire time they were at the precinct.  Although the fallen angel had provided several options for names -- ranging from Black Shuck to The Horror -- his partner had rejected every single idea.

It  was a bit of a surprise to come home and see Daniel’s car already parked in the driveway, but he figured that perhaps Trixie wanted to see the animals.  After all, today was the man’s day to be taking care of his daughter.  Then again, perhaps Chloe had invited them over for dinner...?

Shaking off his random thoughts, the fallen angel hurried to his partner’s car, opened the passenger side door and lifted out the box carrying the little fluff monster.  Not that Chloe couldn’t carry it by herself, but it was good manners to help, and the Devil was a gentleman, if nothing else.  Besides, no sense in having her exposed to the creature’s super-mind control any more than necessary!

The detective rolled her eyes at him.  “We are _not_ naming this adorable little otter Sin Eater.”

Adorable?  Where had she gotten the idea that the fluffy creature was _adorable?_  “I beg to differ, Detective.  The otter is obviously evil and has super mind control!  She deserves something befitting an animal living in the Devil’s house.  The name Sin Eater is an honor!  Besides, we can’t continue to call her Cabbage Patch Kid -- that’s revolting!”

“Well, I agree that Cabbage Patch Kid is an awful name.  Don’t worry, Trixie will choose something better.”

As they entered the entryway, the familiar yell of “Lucifer!” filled the air as the little girl ran full-tilt into the Devil, grabbing him about the waist and squeezing.  Letting out a distressed yelp, he lifted the box with the otter over her head to keep from dropping it.

Trixie jumped up and down as she clung to the fallen angel.  “Is that the otter?  Is it?  Is it?”

“Yes, monkey, it is,” Chloe said with a smile.  “Can you let go of Lucifer now, so that he can show her to you?”

The little girl immediately detached herself,beaming with excitement as Lucifer lowered the box to the floor.  As Chloe reached in and pulled out the little fluffy animal, Dan walked up and petted the otter.

“Awww, what a cutie.  Aren’t you, you widdle cutie pie, sweetie baby cheeks --”  When the man’s voice rose in pitch as he spoke in that strange intonation that everyone seemed to use around the furry beast, Lucifer reeled in shock.  Bloody hell, the otter had taken over the douche as well, and so quickly!  What a powerful foe!

“Let me see, let me see!” Trixie cried.  Chloe bent down and handed the ball of fur to the little girl.  “Oooh, she’s so soft!”

“What would you like to name her?” her mother asked.

She thought hard, then brightened.  “Moana!”

The fallen angel felt a jolt of pride in Trixie’s choice, which left him blinking in confusion.  Pushing the strange sensation aside, he cleared his throat.  "Oh, what a fitting name -- it means ‘ocean’ in Maori.  Very clever, little spawn."

As she cuddled the sea otter, the child gave him a toothy grin.  “I don’t care about that.  She’s a Disney Princess, like in the movie!”

His mouth gaped open.  “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nuh-uh!”  She shook her head, still smiling.  “She’s a princess!”

As Chloe and Dan chuckled at the exchange, Lucifer considered banging his head against the wall.  He should have known the little spawn would name the fearsome monster after some sugary Disney character.

Chloe turned to Dan.  “Are you joining us for dinner today?”

The man shook his head.  “Nah, I got invited out tonight.  I hope you don’t mind taking care of Trixie.”

The news astonished the fallen angel.  “Going out?”  He lifted his eyebrows at Chloe’s ex.  “Finally dipping your toe into the dating waters?  Well, this _is_ a surprise!”

Dan ducked his head and massaged the back of his neck.  “To tell you the truth, I’m surprised myself.  I never would have thought she was interested in me, but she walked in today and asked me out.”

A bubbly feeling welled up within Lucifer, buoying him up with happiness.  There was no one standing between him and the detective now!  Feeling more lighthearted than he had in a long time, he slapped the man on the back.  “I never would have expected that of you.  Well done!  May we ask who the lucky lady is?”

Dan’s face grew a bit red.  “Just someone I met in the department.  An attorney.”

“That’s great, Dan,” Chloe said.  “I’m happy for you.”

He grew even more red.  “Yeah, well, she’s not you, Chloe, but... you know how it is.”

“I do.”  She reached out and squeezed his wrist.

“Well, we have to celebrate!” Lucifer cried, smiling widely.  “Invite her over!  We’ll have drinks, and I’ll make us dinner.”

Dan chuckled.  “Thanks, man.  We’ll see how tonight goes, first.  I’ll see you both later.”  Bending down, he gave Trixie and Moana a little hug.  “See you later, monkey.”

After Dan left, Lucifer picked up the box and led Chloe and her daughter to the great room where Weaponizer and Findus were relaxing by the pool.  As soon as they saw him, they came running up.  The fallen angel let out a yelp as he backed away, but there was no escape.  The kitten scrambled up Lucifer to perch on his shoulder, while the penguin hugged Chloe’s leg.

The blonde woman bent down and stroked the bird’s head.  “Have you been good today?”

Weaponizer cooed happily while Lucifer rolled his eyes.  Bloody hell, the penguin pretended to be so angelic and well-behaved when Chloe and her daughter were around!  Fuming a bit, he turned to Trixie.  “Perhaps you can introduce Moana to them, child.”

Sitting on the floor, Trixie set the sea otter down.  The animals looked at the ball of fluff with suspicion as Lucifer lowered the kitten to the ground.  Findus took a few tentative steps toward Moana and touched her nose to the fluffy animal.  When the little otter gave a happy squeak, the kitten licked her on the cheek before glancing over at Weaponizer.  Waddling over, the penguin took one look at Moana and backed up so quickly that he fell over and rolled on the floor.  Swiftly popping to his feet, he dashed over to Lucifer and honked like he was being skewered.

“It wasn’t my idea -- blame the detective!”

The fallen angel’s face flushed when Chloe and Trixie laughed at him, but he wasn’t about to take the blame for introducing the mind-controlling super-villain to the household.

Findus meowed at the penguin, and Lucifer could hear the demand in it.  Bowing low, Weaponizer reluctantly waddled back to her, keeping well away from the otter.  The kitten wasn’t standing for any of that.  Walking over to her boyfriend, she nudged him from behind until he was right next to the fluffy baby.  After she meowed once again, Weaponizer glanced at her, then Moana, then back at her.  Looking like he was going to be ill, the penguin bent down and nosed the otter baby.  She immediately cheeped and wrapped her little paws around the penguin, who stiffened and squawked like he was being killed.  Findus sat down behind him and licked her paw, steadfastly ignoring his protests.

While Chloe and Trixie giggled at the sight, Lucifer gave the penguin a sad look.  “I feel your pain,” he told the bird, who sighed and stared at the ceiling.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer really shouldn’t have felt bad for the penguin.  After all, Weaponizer was a horrible troublemaker -- he got into anything and everything, and was demanding, to boot.  He deserved to suffer a bit.  But when the fallen angel saw the poor penguin chased by the little baby sea otter, he could completely relate.

Moana _loved_ Weaponizer -- perhaps because she could sense the ocean on him.  During the few hours before dinnertime, she followed the penguin everywhere, and Findus encouraged it.  There were many times when Moana would suddenly hug the bird with her little paws, which elicited oohs and awws from Trixie and Chloe, but had Weaponizer letting out a startled squawk every time it happened.  When she wasn’t grooming the little otter, Findus constantly encouraged her boyfriend to pay attention to their adopted child.  Moana glowed with happiness.  Weaponizer’s face, meanwhile, became a study in resignation.

But if Moana tripped and fell, or let out a panicked cheep, the first one who rushed to her aid was the penguin.  He would nudge her to her feet or look to see what had upset her, even though afterward he’d waddle away as though he couldn't care less.  Lucifer saw it all, and realized that the penguin actually had feelings in that black heart of his.

“Why you big charlatan, you,” Lucifer chided.  The penguin tossed his head defiantly before slipping into the pool and floating on his back.

A splash nearby had Lucifer turning to see what had caused it.  Moana had hopped into the water and was clumsily swimming toward Weaponizer.  The penguin was still floating blissfully on the water, as if unaware that his adopted child was very close by, bobbing up and down like a cork.  When Moana got close enough to the bird, she flipped onto her back, reached out and took Weaponizer’s flipper in her paw.

The look of horror on Weaponizer’s face was so comical that Lucifer had to stifle a laugh.  The penguin furiously shook his flipper over and over to get the otter to let go, but she held fast as if her life depended on it.  After several attempts, the penguin finally gave up and let Moana hold his flipper as she took a nap.  He let out a sad chirp as he gazed at the fallen angel.

“Right.  Don’t look at me -- I had nothing to do with it....”

All of a sudden, a small hand grabbed Lucifer’s and held fast.  Bewildered, he glanced down to see Trixie beside him, smiling up at him.  Panic filled the Devil as he shook his hand repeatedly, trying to get her to let go, but she was surprisingly strong.

“Why... why are you holding my hand, child?”

“Mommy said to get you for dinnertime.”

“Very well, but must we touch?”

“Yup!”  She grinned.  “Mommy always says that holding hands make your fingers smile.”

He tried to shake her off again.  “Well, that’s just silly, child.  Fingers can’t smile -- they don’t have any mouths!”

The little girl giggled. “You’re funny!”

Rolling his eyes, he realized he wasn’t going to be able to detach himself from her.  “It’s a perfectly valid point, child.  Come then -- let’s go see your mum.”  Glancing behind him, he saw Weaponizer watching him with sympathy in his eyes.  “I feel your pain,” he told the bird once again as he walked away.

The penguin gave a honk in agreement.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

After a nice dinner with the detective and her little spawn, Lucifer sat on the couch and stared at Trixie playing with the animals on the far side of the great room.  Now that Moana had acclimated to her environment and hadn’t shown any signs of taking over the world with her super-mind control, he had nothing to distract him from the issue at hand -- telling Chloe he was the Devil.

Despair bore down on the fallen angel, so heavily that he thought he’d buckle under the weight of it.  Bloody hell, it just wasn’t fair.  Pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes, he wondered why he couldn’t have been born a penguin.  After all, Weaponizer had everything he could possibly want, including the love of his life, and he didn’t have a gigantic secret hanging over his head like a blade, ready to fall and destroy everyone’s happiness.  It wasn’t as if the bird was about to transform himself into a giant sea leopard and eat everyone -- whereas he, Lucifer Morningstar, was the Devil.  That was far worse than being a sea leopard in disguise.

Hearing movement beside him, he opened his eyes to see Chloe gathering the various paperback books scattered about the floor and stacking them on the coffee table.

“Why in the world did you buy so many romance novels?  There must be at least a hundred here!”

Sitting up, he gave her a crooked smile.  “I wanted to become better at romance, since our last date was so awkward.”

Her soft chuckle as she sat down beside him had his heart pounding furiously.  “You’re just fine as you are, Lucifer.  You don’t need all of this.”

“Yes, well....”  His voice petered out, as he stared blindly out the window.  When she reached out to take one of his hands in hers, he glanced at her with surprise.

“What’s going on, Lucifer?  You haven’t been yourself all day.  You seem... down.”  Concern marred her expression as she looked at him.

She had noticed?  Well, of course she had -- she was a fine detective, after all... but he didn’t want to deal with his problem.  If he ignored it, maybe it would go away...?  He laughed ruefully at his own folly.  “Well, it’s been an odd day, with the little fluffy otter --”

“Don’t.”

Confused, the fallen angel looked at her and saw that her gaze was sharp and penetrating.  “Don’t...?”

“Don’t hide.  Not from me.”

Lucifer winced.  He supposed he had been hiding....  And now it was time to face the music.

But... how did he tell her?  What did he say?  He couldn’t even find the words.  Everything inside of him screamed to laugh it off, run away, hold onto Chloe with both hands and never let go.  Happiness was so close -- just within his fingertips.  If he ignored his brother’s words, and listened to his own desires, he could have it all.  Happiness. Love. Chloe.

But he couldn’t do that, for one simple reason -- he loved her.

Love.  Such a funny emotion.  He hadn’t known what it meant to love, until he had met her.  And now, he couldn’t imagine a life without her in it -- the need to do everything for her, give her everything she desired, fulfill her every wish, was overwhelming.  He wanted to breathe the same air as her, experience every facet of life with her.  How empty his life had been, before she had stepped into it.  She brought color to his world.  Without her, he was doomed to a life of dreary grays and blacks.  Colorless.  Lifeless.

But he had no choice, and he knew it.  She always came first, and deserved to know the truth -- that he was a monster.  The Devil.  She deserved someone who was... not him.

Chloe was still studying him, waiting for him to say something.

Depression settled over him like an oppressive blanket, smothering him, cutting off his air and killing him ever so slowly.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a deep breath.  He could do this.  He was the Lightbringer.  He could do anything -- even cut out his own heart.  “It’s just that... there’s something I need to tell you, and I don’t know how.  It’s bound to change how you look at me, and... well, I don’t want to ruin things.”

Her face was a study in compassion, and her voice took on a soothing quality, as if she was talking to her daughter.  “Hey, come on, now.  You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know.  It’s just that... well, it’s a... sensitive topic.  I’m not sure you could handle it.”

She squeezed his hand gently.  “I’m your partner, Lucifer, and I’m always here for you.  I can handle whatever you want to tell me.”

Oh how her touch made him feel all bubbly inside! Her hand was so warm, her voice so supportive....  The fallen angel glanced at her and saw the concern on her face.  She was so beautiful, so caring... would she still be the same once he told her the truth?

The images of Linda sitting in shock, Jimmy Barnes screaming in horror, and of every single person who had gone insane just by looking at him, flashed through his tortured brain.  He didn’t want to tell her.  Bloody hell, why couldn’t they just keep on going as they were now?

Because she came first, and that would never change.

He studied their linked hands and tried to memorize the feel of her fingers against his.  This was probably the last time she’d let him near her.  “It’s just that... you’ll hate me, and I can’t have that.  I enjoy being with you, and I don’t want things to change.  I mean, what if you don’t want to have anything to do with me after I tell you?”

“That won’t happen.”  She squeezed his hand again.

Taking comfort in the warmth of her touch, Lucifer tried to find the right words to tell her gently.  “Right.  Well, my... problem is of a personal nature, and it’s difficult to broach.”  At her encouraging nod, he continued.  “I want to be the man you want me to be, but....  It’s just... I mean, we’ve been working together all this time, and to tell you everything now will change your perception of me dramatically.”

Worry creased her brow.  “You... you’re not dying, are you?”

“What?!  No!  No, far from it.”  He sighed heavily.  Bloody hell, this was so hard...!  “I’m just... I....  I’m afraid you’ll think less of me... _far_ less of me once you hear about my... condition.”

Raising her eyebrows, Chloe’s mouth took the shape of an “O.”  “You mean you’re...?”

His heart jerked at her words.  Glancing sharply at her, he saw the realization in her eyes.  “You... you know already?”

She stared back at him in shock.  “Well... I didn’t realize until this very moment.  I mean, I never would have guessed...!  I’m... I’m so sorry, Lucifer.”

“Not as sorry as I am.”  Hopelessness filled his voice as his gaze fell to their clasped hands.  “Right.  I guess this is goodbye, then?”

“What?!  Of course not.”  She reached out and touched his chin, turning his troubled face toward her sympathetic one.  “It’s okay.  I understand.”

Surprise had Lucifer’s mouth dropping open.  “You... you do?”

“I do,” she said with a nod.  “I know it takes a lot of courage to confess something this important.  I’ll never think any less of you, no matter what, okay?  I mean, we’ll just take things slow.”

Reeling as if the world had suddenly shifted under his feet, Lucifer felt relief to the very marrow of his bones.  Chloe was amazing -- absolutely amazing!  He had been so afraid she’d hate him, but she was so kind, so understanding -- she didn’t even mind that he was the Devil!  Happiness swept through him.  “Thank you, Detective -- you are far more gracious than I deserve.  I was so worried about telling you....”

Chloe gazed at him with tender eyes as she reached up to stroke his cheek.  “Hey, it’s okay.  Look, it’s a common enough problem.”

Lucifer’s smile froze as he blinked.  Had he missed something?  Bloody hell, what was the detective talking about?  Squinting at her, he whispered a soft, “What?”

Her face was full of compassion as she stared into his puzzled eyes.  “There’s no need to be embarrassed.  You can talk to me about these things.  I’m interested in you, not your... well, your ability to perform.”

Perform?  Perform what?  Lucifer’s mouth fell open as realization slowly dawned.  Wait, did she think...?  No... _no._  She couldn’t _possibly_ think --

“And it’s okay if you can’t.  I totally understand. I mean, it happens to everyone at some point.  After all, that’s why there are so many viagra commercials on television --”

Bloody hell, she really _did_ think what he feared!  “Oh, _no._  No, no, nonono.  Detective, it’s not that!  I can still have sex -- truly!”

She squeezed his hand soothingly.  “It’s okay, Lucifer.  You don’t have to hide with me.  I totally get it, and I won’t tell anyone.”

Horror overtook him, grabbing his insides and squeezing until he thought his chest would crush from the pressure.  This had to be the most appalling conversation ever in the history of the cosmos.  How could he have bungled his explanation so badly that she thought he had erectile dysfunction?!  This was a disaster!  Goodness, how was he ever going to fix this?  For there was no way he could leave her thinking that he wasn’t able to perform!  He was the Devil, for crying out loud!  Exceptional -- nay, glorious -- lover of thousands of humans!  Able to bestow great joy upon all who had sex with him!

Lucifer’s face grew anxious as he scrambled to find the right words.  “But that’s not what I was trying to say!  Please, Detective, I’m quite able to satisfy any woman -- or man.  You must believe me!”

“Shhh.”  Giving him a tender look, she placed her finger lightly on his lips, stilling his protests.  “Look, there’s no need to be embarrassed with me.  The posturing, the innuendoes, the romance novels -- it’s all been smoke and mirrors, hasn’t it?  But I want you to know that you don’t have to put on a show -- not with me.  Your sexual prowess isn’t the reason why I want to spend time with you.  I like you just the way you are.”

She liked him... just the way he was?  Her words filled his insides with warmth and brought heat rushing into his cheeks.  “Well...!” he said with a grin, before he realized that she still thought he was impotent.  “No, wait, Detective -- I’m not firing blanks!  I’m fully loaded and ready to perform!”

Stroking his cheek once again, she spoke calmly, gently.  “No no no, don’t feel pressured.  It’s fine.  We’ll take things nice and slow, and when you’re... feeling up to it, we can give it a try.”

“But --”  Frustration rose within Lucifer as he gripped her hand and pressed it to his cheek.  His voice became desperate.  “I’m feeling up to it now --”

“There’s no need to force yourself, Lucifer,” she said with a smile.

“But I’m not --”

“Look, this whole dating thing is new to both of us.  Let’s just... enjoy our time together, and if things progress, then... well, we’ll worry about your problem later.”  After giving his cheek a final pat, Chloe rose to her feet.  “I have to finish some work I brought home, but afterward, maybe we can knit together while we watch a movie with Trixie.”  With that, she walked away.

Lucifer stared after her in chagrin before burying his head in his hands.   _How_ had this happened?!  Banging his head against the wall was starting to look very appealing.  He couldn’t believe he had somehow convinced the detective that he was impotent.  It was an absolute nightmare!

He didn’t know how long he sat there with his head in his hands, but eventually he realized he was not alone.  Looking up, he saw Trixie standing in front of him, with Moana in her arms and Findus and Weaponizer beside her.  She looked... distressed, which made his heart clench, although he didn’t know why.

“What is it, child?” he asked as Findus hopped onto the couch and cuddled in his lap.

“You look sad. What’s wrong?”

“Ah.  Just a misunderstanding I had with your mother.”  Trying to give the little girl a smile, Lucifer was afraid it came out more like a grimace.  Reaching down, he picked up Weaponizer before the bloody bird started pitching a fit.  The penguin hopped onto his lap besides Findus and cuddled his girlfriend happily.

Trixie’s face screwed up at the fallen angel’s words.  “Were you fighting?”

Lucifer shook his head sadly.  “No, child.  It was....”  Thinking a moment, a wonderful idea came into his head.  Giving her a big smile, he said, “How would you like to help me fix this misunderstanding?”

Trixie’s face became crafty.  “What’s in it for me?”

“Chocolate cake?”

“And cash?”

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a wad of money and peeled off two twenties.  “Little mercenary,” he said, but his voice was filled with pride.  He placed the cash into her grabby hands.  “Now go tell your mother that I’m very virile.”

“What does that mean?”

“Never you mind -- just go tell her.”

Grinning widely, she bobbed her head.  “Okay!”

Lucifer watched as the little girl went running to the kitchen, where Chloe had spread a few files on the dining counter and was studying them intently.  Surely this would work!  It would help make the detective see that he was quite able to bring her to the pinnacle of ecstasy with his naked splendor --

“Mommy, Lucifer told me to tell you he’s very sterile!”

The child’s words had him cringing with dismay.  Not only emasculated by Chloe, but by her spawn, as well!  Could this day possibly get any worse?  Wincing, he took a peek at the detective, who was looking at him with a very odd expression on her face.

“Virile, child, I said virile!” he called back as his face grew so hot he thought that his head would burst into flames.  Was there a pillow around?  Perhaps he could bury his face in it.  Better yet, mayhap he could go stick his head in the pool and drown himself....

“Virile, Mommy!” the child parroted.

Lucifer heard Chloe’s husky laugh.  “I see.  Thank you for telling me, monkey.”  When he chanced a peek at his partner, she had a lovely smile on her face as she looked at him tenderly.  Suddenly they were the only two people in the room -- nay, the world -- as they gazed at each other.  She was so beautiful, on the inside and out.  The fallen angel’s breath left him as his heart started pounding harder.  Oh, if only she were closer, he’d show her just how virile he was!  Of course, he could close the gap between them....

Just as he started to get to his feet, Trixie dashed back up to him and jumped up and down.  The moment was lost.  Sighing dejectedly, Lucifer sunk back into the couch.

“How did I do?”

A wry smile touched his face.  “Your delivery leaves much to be desired.”

Trixie giggled as she hopped up on the couch beside him.  “Here, Moana misses you.”  The little girl put the sea otter on his lap, right next to the other animals.

Lucifer froze, staring down at the little creature who stared right back at him and cheeped.  Alarm shot through him.  What was he supposed to do?  He didn’t know!  And what if the sea otter tried try to take over his mind?  He had to resist --

And yet he found his hand reaching out to stroke the baby’s fur.  Moana was so incredibly soft, so light, so fluffy, like down....

As the sea otter cheeped again and cuddled close to him, Lucifer felt a soft glow inside, warming him up and causing his insides to melt like ice cream on a hot day.  When Trixie snuggled up to his side as well, the feeling increased.  For a moment panic hit him, before he realized it didn’t feel... bad.  It actually made him feel better, considering how awful the day had been.  Glancing back at the detective, he saw her smile at him approvingly before turning back to her work.

Well... this was unexpected.  Sighing, he leaned against the backrest of the couch and tipped his head toward the ceiling.  The animals seemed to like him, as did the child, although he couldn’t figure out why.  The detective -- so compassionate, so kind -- had feelings for him, as well.  He knew he had to tell her the truth, but surely it could wait?  Just for a little while?  He had gotten a reprieve after all -- the misunderstanding with Chloe must have been a sign.  How else could her misinterpretation of his confession be explained?

Closing his eyes, he let sleep take him.  And once in that world of slumber, he dreamed of a life where he was a normal man, where he had no secrets or horrible reputation.  He was just Lucifer Morningstar, she was just Chloe Decker, and they loved each other.  He dreamed... and he was happy.

 

 


End file.
